Do You Want Comfort or Advice?
This is the question to ask anyone who has come to you to share their thoughts or a problem they are having. It can save so much misunderstanding and upset when communicating with someone. My natural desire is to go into problem solving and fixing mode when someone comes to me with something they are struggling with. It is my innate desire to make everything right in the world and for everyone to be happy. My big lesson though is that it isn’t my place to go around doing this for people all the time and that sometimes giving advice isn’t what people are looking for. Maybe they just need to offload, feel listened to and comforted. Sometimes just listening to someone is enough for them to find their own way through it without you having to say much at all.
Asking someone if they are wanting advice or comfort establishes from the beginning what it is they are seeking from you. If it is comfort then you know to be in an active listening role, to really hear what the person is saying and offer empathy if you feel it is appropriate. It gives the person the space to let it all out, feel heard and know that someone is there for them. It helps them sort out the thoughts in their mind and maybe that’s all they need. Just to let it all out so that they can move on with their day and then allow an answer to form for themselves over the coming days. It can be really hard if you are someone who is…
