Hard to Love

Lynda Claire
7 min readMar 14, 2022
Photo by Serkan Göktay from Pexels

Sometimes I think this about myself. Actually, who am I kidding? I think this about myself every day. I’m someone who walks around expecting other people’s hearts to be like my own. For their genuineness to be true and not self serving. For others to care not only as much as I do but in the same way as I do. The slightest hint that someone isn’t at the level I’m at makes me wobble. It’s scary enough to put my heart out there without then wondering if the person loves me passed that tipping point of it being just enough that they won’t intentionally hurt me. That’s the part that rips me open, the intentional part. I have been someone who goes out of my way to make others happy and feel safe, even if it means I don’t end up feeling that way myself. I keep wondering why I haven’t found anyone who is willing to match my level of effort, thinking the problem is with me. Knowing now, that the problem is with me. I don’t love in a way that is healthy. I let other people consume me, control me and seek their own happiness. The problem comes when they choose their happiness in ways that they know will hurt me but they just don’t care enough to show some restraint. The momentary high of whatever it is they are doing is much more worth it than keeping my heart safe. I give them too much power over me. I expect too much. I am hard to love.

Then what do I do when they violate my boundaries over and over again? I try to shift my…

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Lynda Claire

Seeking those moments of magic and trying to capture them with words. Exploring my depths. Living on an island at the bottom of the world.