When You Know You’re Outgrowing Your Partner

Lynda Claire
8 min readJan 28, 2022
Photo by Nathan McBride on Unsplash

When we fall in love with someone we can’t imagine not being perfectly in sync with them the majority of the time. We talk about future plans and build this beautiful picture of the life we’ll work towards. We are united and convince ourselves that we are on the same level by dismissing little things we think won’t be relevant. A few years on though, or sometimes even a few months, these little things start to grow in size. The other person’s slow pace of life that seemed cute to start with can become frustrating, their lack of ability to make decisions or lack of willpower to stick to things can become grating. Things you do bother them too as you start to feel more like a parent at times than a partner and the cracks start to show. This is what happened to me and instead of realising we weren’t going to be compatible in the long term I sacrificed myself.

I am someone who lives a pretty fast paced life. I have big dreams and there aren’t enough hours in the day for all I’d like to accomplish. I am learning how to slow down and take moments for self care and to make sure I’ve put something in my cup so I’m not running on empty, but for the most part my days are full and busy. I feel like I have huge things to do and I thrive when I’m making progress each day towards my goals, whether it’s the business I want to run one day or learning to play the ukulele. When I met my ex partner he said he couldn’t go to bed at night without having done something that day to have left a mark on the world and to be making progress towards his goals. This was a big green flag for me because I took it to mean he was motivated like I was. I made a big assumption that the mark he was meaning was a bigger one than what he actually meant. For him it could have been writing one line of a song, drawing two lines on a picture or just sitting to let ideas formulate in his mind. The majority of his time was spent on screens or using substances, which I didn’t find out until we had moved in together, and not on actually making any progress towards his goals or any growth within himself.

The thing is, he didn’t like how fast I moved because he said it made him feel bad and like he could never relax since he wasn’t doing as much as I was. So instead of seeing how he lived and how I lived and realising that we were completely different and were never…

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Lynda Claire

Seeking those moments of magic and trying to capture them with words. Exploring my depths. Living on an island at the bottom of the world.