When Your Happiness Makes Others Uncomfortable

Lynda Claire
7 min readNov 11, 2022
Image by Pexels from Pixabay

I spent a long time in my life not only being unhappy but being pretty much nothing at all. I was numb and shut down after more than a decade of increasing abuse and isolation. So numb that when my mother passed away I couldn’t even grieve her loss. So numb that I don’t remember a lot that happened in those years of my life because there are no emotions attached to them to bring up the memories. So numb that I can see the dullness in my eyes in photos to the point that the woman fakely smiling looks like a complete stranger and someone I don’t identify as ever being. When I finally burst free of this abuse and began to crack myself open to feel and hopefully heal, I ran right into an even worse abusive relationship because I so intensely craved love and the words he spoke made me feel that I was loved. That is until they didn’t.

In this relationship I hit more than rock bottom. I still wonder about what long term damage the amount of anxiety and fear I was living under has done to my body. I wonder if my mind will ever function in straight lines instead of jaggered ones as I get triggered and my mind spirals back down to survival mode. I’m learning how to bounce back faster from that mode though, I’m healing. I worked so hard to heal. I sought help from multiple counsellors and support groups, I turned to friends and family, I began to write again. I started to…

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Lynda Claire
Lynda Claire

Written by Lynda Claire

Seeking those moments of magic and trying to capture them with words. Exploring my depths. Living on an island at the bottom of the world.